I dont know the meaning of words anymore.

words are just letters pushed together to make forms.
that no longer hold meaning.
no value.

life. love. self worth.
i thought i knew. but i dont.

i am a bad person.
i am nothing.
i dont want to find myself.

i want to find my way back to where i was with you.
i want to be a fresh faced 18 year old with nothing to lose.


but i turned into some monster.
who treats you bad and makes you do horrible things.

and i never meant it.
how could i even make a plan to have that outcome?
i never sat down and wrote that plan.
its not true.


"you cant do this to me anymore"

'this'


rip my heart out and hand it to the next person you see because i dont need it anymore.
i dont want it.

if its not with you then it doesnt matter.
and you wont take it so leave it where you wish.


i scare you.
i break you down.

none of this is true,
or maybe it is.


maybe it doesnt matter anymore.





i dont want to matter anymore.



but who cares what i want?
not you.
not anymore.






1-7-11 at 7 am you told me you loved me. at 9:02 you told me not to treat you like 'this' anymore.







who have i been made into?



i wish i was dead. laying in that bed instead of her.