youll never know dear.

Is everything alright? You feeling moany? You feeling lonely? You're not the only Is everything alright? You feeling stormy? You feeling phoney? You're not the only Do you get up up up? Clouds stop and move above me Too bad they can't help me What is the right way? Do I float up up up? When I stop and look around me Grey is where the color should be What is the right way? Old glasses clinking and a New order's blinking and I I should be floating but I'm weighted by thinking That I got on the river Really can't make you change And the sky gets filled up too fast and the taxi man's saying, "You betta give me some money; stop daydreaming, dude!" When the point of horizon is hiding from you What would you want sky? Are you taking it lightly? Lost in the flurries You start to worry You will be buried Taking it lightly and so I hurry I start to worry Here come them flurries Is everything alright? You feeling lonely? You feeling moldy? You're not the only Is everything alright? You feeling stormy? You feeling foamy? You're not the only Do you get up up up? Clouds stop and move above me Too bad they can't help me What is the right way? Do I float up up up? When I stop and look around me Grey is where that color should be What is the right way? Old glasses clinking and a New order's blinking and I I should be floating but I'm weighted by thinking I'm a fly on the river That'll make me some change When the sky gets filled up too fast and the taxi cab's waiting, "You betta give him some money stop daydreaming, dude!" When the point of horizon is hiding it's blues

im still holding onto you.

theres a sinking in my chest.
a half empty dip.
a half full dip.
a dip i havent felt.


i miss it.
i love you.
i tried, i did and you know that i did.

i think this distance ruined everything.
but i only came because it fell apart.

i guess this crack was too deep to patch up.

you know it doesnt mean that i dont love you.
if you really think that now, i feel sorry for you.
i feel sorry for you if you have to lie to yourself about what happened to make yourself feel stronger.
i am facing the facts and the pain and the loneliness.
i am facing it all by myself.
i have been alone since october, and i always had the fear this was going to happen.

Please, remember me
Happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin
The time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range,
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like 'We'll meet again'
And 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their gray
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And

Please, remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight
We'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
And now you're lit up by the city
So

Please, remember me
Mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower call
Then pass us by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Leave and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like 'Lost and Found' and 'Don't Look Down'
And 'Someone Save Temptation'
And
Please, remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see
A trapeze
Swing as high as any savior
But

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter's
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'
And

Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger
So

Please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of G-d and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers

Now I helped her
And I dressed her wounds
And how I held her
Beneath the rising moon
And she stood to fly
And she stood to fly away
And she stood to fly
She stood to fly away
 

And all I ever meant to do was to keep you
My crane wife
My crane wife
My crane wife

There's a bend in the wind and it rakes at my heart
There is blood in the thread and it rakes at my heart
It rakes at my heart

today i spoke to a wall.

a wall who used to speak back.
who used to show compassion.
who used to say sweet things.
who i knew, without a doubt in my mind, loved me.
loved me more than anything and thought i was the one.

i have the letters.
i have the cards.
i have the memories.
thats all i have left.

a wall whos full of anger.
who wont look past it and see that im drifting away.
i told you i was leaving.
im telling you its hard to hold on.
and you speak to me the way you do.
you make me feel like im holding onto you with knuckles white, for no reason at all.


youre right.
maybe it is a choice i am making.
and that doesnt concern you?
instead you get mad.
and yell.
and say things to me to break me down.


i am already far from broken.
theres no word for what i feel about you.
about the "us" that once was.


you can be angry.
you can be anything you want to be.
its not my place anymore to tell you how to act.
im just a girl to you now.
someone who makes you nothing but angry.

i am just a girl now to you.
one who you used to do everything for.
who knew you loved her without you ever having to try.

this girl needs more from you  because of all thats happened.
of all thats going on.

if you dont want it.
if you cant do it.
then dont.
tell me.
because right now i feel like the wall will be a wall forever.
i dont think ill ever get you back.


and i think that all you want is the anger.
"remember me for the times i ruined you, not the times i made you smile"

thats what weve been reduced to.
i havent forgotten.
i never will.


i never wanted to be the one who let go first.
but here i am.

i dont feel like theres anything left for me to hold onto.
an angry shell of a man who loved me at one time is all i see.


i cant blame you.
but i cant support someone who cant even make me feel worth anything.

you can have your anger, but you cant have me too.


youre mad right now.
you should be sad like i am.

but its not my place to say.

im just a girl to you now.
that you used to want and used to love with all you have,


a girl whos walking away and doesnt want to.

but thats all thats left.



ill never forget.
you can be angry.

i cant blame you.

you cant blame me for the choice ive made.
not that it matters to you anymore.

i wish i knew you.
i wish things never changed.


i wish i mattered to you.

but i dont.


and i dont think i ever will again.



you can be angry.
but you lost me there.
and i dont think it matters,
and i dont think you care.




i wish you cared.
i wish you loved.
i wish you understood.
but you dont want to.


eyes closed wont make it go away





i m gone.
i love you.
i wish you cared enough to know.